In Bride of the Underground, players become detectives, unravelling the detritus of an unravelling man. During this race against death, the characters will need to attend to their day jobs.
Don’t we all?
Below are 100 crimes that may come across a Police radio or scanner or just something to happen across in the newspaper.
| 01 | Suspicious person reported loitering outside convenience store, refusing to leave. Says the time isn’t right. | 51 | Broken car window found on Elm Avenue; possible attempted theft, but glass is on the outside of the vehicle |
| 02 | Public urination near bus stop; individual cited. Solid cyan urine sent to lab. | 52 | Illegal fireworks heard in the downtown area; police searching for source. |
| 03 | Homeless encampment reported in public park; cleanup crew alarmed by ‘small carcass hill’. | 53 | Someone has stolen a police radio and is announcing the death (10-419) of the Queen of England . |
| 04 | Trash illegally dumped on side of Lincoln Road; debris obstructing—no, directing traffic? | 54 | Egging incident on Delta Street; multiple houses targeted. Egg’s were unrecognizably large. |
| 05 | Possible scam artist posing as ‘house-calling gynecologist‘; warnings issued in neighborhood. | 55 | Unauthorized street vendor ‘Steve’s Sweet Meats‘ setting up near ‘Toys for Tots‘ event venue. |
| 06 | Lost dog seen wandering near school; animal control notified. Animal is described as ‘very long-legged, pitch black, with human-like eyes‘. | 56 | Suspect fleeing on unicycle after stealing package from front porch while dressed as a pirate. |
| 07 | Minors attempting to buy alcohol with fake IDs at corner store. One of the IDs is for ‘James Salford‘, long missing from the Pine Barrens during a hike. | 57 | Rowdy teenagers seen skateboarding in prohibited area. Fists shaken at clouds. |
| 08 | Garage break-in reported; victim reported very expensive and highly controlled material missing. | 58 | Drone spotted near restricted airspace. Large, round, and discus shaped. |
| 09 | Abandoned shopping cart found in alley behind grocery store. The shopping cart isn’t from that grocery store. Requesting full scale assault and investigative team. | 59 | Shoplifting at downtown clothing boutique; suspect fled on skateboard. |
| 10 | Manhole cover seen erupting from street in a plume of smoke; public works notified. | 60 | Hitchhiker reported on highway shoulder over near derelict asylum building; patrol vehicle dispatched. |
| 11 | Drunk individual with ‘impossibly long beard‘ sleeping on park bench; officer called to check welfare. | 61 | Harassment complaint at bus station; suspect fled before police arrived. ‘Schuylkill notes‘ found at location. |
| 12 | Unattended bicycle stolen from theoretical physicist outside coffee shop. | 62 | Counterfeit currency discovered at farmer’s market. Dates of currency go back to 1943. |
| 13 | Individual caught jaywalking across busy intersection. When questioned, they spoke in an unidentified language and fled the scene. | 63 | An antique weirdo has been sitting at the park for six hours, saying the squirrels have been much more sexually active today. |
| 14 | Barbecue set up in restricted area of city park. Citizens complained of ‘irregular foods served‘. | 64 | Gasoline siphoning reported at neighborhood gas station. Suspect reported to be consuming the stolen gas. |
| 15 | Person seen placing flyers on car windshields in parking lot. Flyers reportedly contain ransom notes for an inordinate sum. | 65 | Individual trespassing on private beach property. Reportedly both breathing and seeing the ocean without a license. |
| 16 | Person found sleeping in stairwell of apartment building. Suspect unable to provide what year it was or who was president. Or what a president was. | 66 | Leaf blower used before legal start time; noise ordinance violation. Suspect is unable to be found, but sound of leaf blower is audible from green space within building premises. |
| 17 | Broken mirror found on playground; park maintenance notified. | 67 | Man seen selling counterfeit tickets outside concert venue. Tickets were non-refundable. The responding officer reports being unable to stop purchasing more. |
| 18 | Teenagers caught vandalizing bus shelter with markers: ‘Don’t Take the Black Line‘. | 68 | A kid called into the station from a hardware store saying there are creatures taking it over. Apparently they multiply when you throw water on them. |
| 19 | Loud and extremely intriguing argument reported outside bar at closing time. | 69 | Window broken at abandoned locally-folklored house; local kids suspected. |
| 20 | ATM card skimmer found at local bank; fraud investigation underway. | 70 | Suspicious man seen rummaging through trash cans for recyclables and muttering about voltage amounts. |
| 21 | Group of people in black robes blocking sidewalk outside popular nightclub. | 71 | Passenger dispute on public transit; driver lost control of the vehicle after calling in. |
| 22 | Unauthorized signs offering a ‘phone number‘ for a ‘good time‘ posted on utility poles along Main Street. | 72 | Graffiti tagging incident caught on camera near train station. Details of incident seem hazy when described by recording witnesses. |
| 23 | Neighbor dispute over a dog barking on Birchwood Lane. Neither neighbor owns a dog. | 73 | Possible trespassing at abandoned factory; multi-colored lights seen inside. Possible rave. Possible interdimensional travel gateway. |
| 24 | Minor assault reported outside nightclub; victim declined medical attention as they recovered with ‘incredible speed‘. | 74 | Vehicle illegally parked in handicapped spot; ticket issued. |
| 25 | Loose dark horse found wandering on rural road. Completely uncapturable. | 75 | Man arguing with convenience store clerk over expired coupon escalated to hostage situation. |
| 26 | Restaurant fined for illegally dumping unknown fluid into storm drain. | 76 | Individual repeatedly trying to park an invisible car in a no-parking zone. |
| 27 | Person reported stealing flowers from public garden. | 77 | Reported squatter seen in living lavishly within storage facility. |
| 28 | Suspicious phone calls from untraceable number reported asking about ‘Prince Albert‘ and ‘running appliances‘. | 78 | Rowdy crowd gathered near food truck after-hours demanding more ‘live pork‘. |
| 29 | Street musician playing amplified violin music late into the night. | 79 | Person walking strange goats in prohibited area of park. |
| 30 | Person seen talking to their own reflection in a store window | 80 | Report of man placing dozens of garden gnomes around town fountain. |
| 31 | Police investigating woman who claimed to be ‘levitating’ near bus stop. | 81 | Man seen leaving threatening graffiti on storefront window: ‘Don’t Open, Dead Inside‘. |
| 32 | Suspect found trying to surf on a skateboard in a fountain. | 82 | Suspicious individual selling impossible electronics out of van. |
| 33 | Group of people trying to form a ‘human chain’ to encircle a parking garage. | 83 | Police responding to report of man ‘translating bird calls’ to passersby. |
| 34 | Stray cat stuck in tree; fire department called for rescue. Owner plead with authorities not to ‘listen to cat under any circumstances‘. | 84 | Group of teenagers seen trespassing on school roof after hours. Black outlines of ten sneakers found on the premises. |
| 35 | Person found drawing chalk outlines around random objects on street. | 85 | Attempted bicycle theft thwarted by good Samaritan. |
| 36 | Person seen collecting ‘moonwet‘ in dozens of cups lined along the sidewalk. | 86 | Suspect reported whispering ‘secrets’ to library bookshelves after closing. |
| 37 | A suspected squatter is living out of his car in the parking lot of a local library. | 87 | Vandalism incident at local park; graffiti found on playground equipment: ‘There is something you don’t see every day‘. |
| 38 | Fence damaged during backyard party; neighbor filed complaint. | 88 | Man attempting to fish in fountain outside art museum using a coat hanger |
| 39 | Police investigating a report of a man painting a crosswalk on an empty street. | 89 | Woman reported walking backwards while chanting in a foreign language. |
| 40 | Police investigating a man dressed as a pirate ‘searching for buried treasure‘ at golf course. | 90 | Suspicious self-driving vehicle seen idling near elementary school. |
| 41 | Guy with the stolen police radio is at it again, requesting backup (10-129) as he engages the toilet men. | 91 | Police responding to a man ‘bathing‘ in a fountain at bank |
| 42 | Suspect found trying to place traffic cones on top of statues. | 92 | Couple seen taking engagement photos at sewage treatment plant. |
| 43 | Street racing reported late at night on industrial road. | 93 | Man reported trying to build a fort out of shopping carts at supermarket. |
| 44 | Large pothole reported in road after vehicle damage complaint. | 94 | Unauthorized garage sale in residential neighborhood; items seized, including belt buckle promised to reward any desire. |
| 45 | Purse snatching in crowded mall; victim gave description of suspect. | 95 | Kids reportedly screaming while smashing old electronics in alleyway. |
| 46 | Suspect caught trying to vacuum leaves from city park. | 96 | Unauthorized graffiti mural found on alley wall downtown: ‘The Nematomorph is Near‘. |
| 47 | Report of man covering a sidewalk crack with Band-Aids. | 97 | Person found picking ‘fruit‘ from plastic trees at outdoor mall. |
| 48 | Lawrence, a known crank, has called into the station saying a murder from the Fratelli’s basement, but the phone cut out before any more detail could be obtained. | 98 | Teenager caught smoking in school bathroom. When authorities approached, he began to violently fight for his right to party. |
| 49 | Graffiti tagging incident caught on camera near train station: ‘The Seventh Horseman‘. | 99 | Intruder broke into zoo after hours to ‘liberate the penguins.‘ |
| 50 | Individual found giving fake parking tickets to cars on main street. | 100 | Man attempting to sell ‘cursed’ VHS tapes on street corner. |
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